American Road Cycling: Events

Sanctioned Events*

For more current rides see: Rides and Chatter Box

Weekly

No fees, no SAG, no food, no service. If you don't make it back, please report that you are missing.

Name	Location	Day	Time
Joe Fix It's Tuesday Night (CUE SHEET)	Joe Fix It's, Goshen, NY	Tuesday	6:00 pm
Joe Fix It's 20 West Main St. Goshen, NY 10924 845-294-7242 Joe Fix It's is a local treasure. It is one of the busiest bicycle shops in the area. However, with several mechanics usually at work, someone always seems to have just enough time to help you when some unexpected emergency occurs on your ride. With one shop in Goshen and one in Monroe, Joe Fix It's effectively holds down both ends of the Heritage Trail. They have been servicing the local cycling community for over 50 years and counting. Great bikes, great service, great ride. About the Tuesday Night Ride 1) This is a rolling ride with little climbing. It does go on some busy roads that require single file riding. 2) The elapsed time of the ride will vary with experience and speed. Estimated time to finish is based on a 15 mph speed: 1 hour 30 minutes including stops. 3) The ride can be shortened by going RIGHT on NYS Rte 94 at MILE 5.7, then following the directions from mile 13.7 on back to the start. This shortens the route to 12.3 miles Rules of the Ride All riders must have helmets and wear them for the entire ride. The ride begins promptly at 6:00 pm unless otherwise planned. For late arrivals there will be a Cue Sheet envelope attached to the rear door of the shop. Take one and follow on out. All rides are designed to be back before dark. Have bicycle lights just in case. Follow the rules of the road and obey all signs and traffic signals.
The Grind [2 \| 3 ]	Middletown, NY	Tuesday	5:30 pm
This ride is also called "The Bicycle Doctor Ride," because it is quasi-sponsored, at minimum currently organized, by Rich Cruet at The Bicycle Doctor bike shop. This is about as hard a training ride as you will ever find. A large double climb up both Guymard Turnpike and Prospect Hill Road are common. Very fast, very tough, in other words: just what the Doctor ordered. For more info click: The Grind [2 \| 3 ], or phone Rich Cruet at The Bicycle Doctor: (845) 344-1414, and take a look at this!
Nuclear Dan's	Harriman Race Course	Tuesday	4:00 pm
Begins late spring and runs until Daylight Savings Time kills it. Long Meadow to Tuxedo is added to make the ride 40+ miles as soon as everybody's legs are ready. See: Surprise Spring Opener 2005
The Marys Ride	Paul Latrine's House	Thursday	am to pm
Training for a Tour de France amateur race to be held on one of the stages during the Tour. This training series begins in early spring. Mountainous courses of 100+ miles. For "rabidly obsessed" riders only, although SlingShot will attend, so "morbidly obese" may also apply. It ends with Paul beating a few thousand asses up some of the toughest climbs in the Alps. You can probably also sign up to go over and watch him do it.
Silence of the Lambs	Paul Latrine's House	Thursday	varies
This ride fills in the season before and after the The Marys Tour de France training rides. It includes Heart Attack Hill, the long high rollers of Rt. 32, a very severe climb out of Washingtonville, then challenging hill repeats, one of which passes by a farmer's feed bin which looks eerily like a scene from the movie Silence of the Lambs. After that riders enjoy a long sweeping downhill along Washingtonville's northern border to a breathtaking view of a train trestle. Incredible, a classic, and a mainstay of American Road Cycling. Sometimes this ride hooks up with the guys from Verge, and things get fast. Read all about the 2005 Season Opener.
The Hump	Big V, Florida, NY	Saturday	9:00 am
This American Road Cycling sanctioned* event runs concurrently with a local club ride. The sanctioned* part is the 36 mile AA and A ride. You should go on this ride only if you are strong and unflappable. The ride is very competitive. Please be kind, and stay away from the slow local club riders. Never ever NEVER invite one of them along for the fast ride. They whine too much and complain to the local club authorities when they get their asses kicked. If you are mistaken for one of those club riders and asked if you paid your dues, merely flash your American Road Cycling ID and mention that the ride follows public roadways which you pay for with your tax dollars. You do not have to mention that the club does not own the parking lot where the ride starts, because they already know that.
R_x Recovery	Goshen, NY	Monday	varies
This recovery ride is just what the other Doctor ordered. Dr. John Handago provides a mild mannered ride which racers and novices alike find therapeutic. Zany Pace-Line Antics are disallowed except on days Handago wears his Tour de Stooges jersey. Since this ride starts on private property, it is by invitation only, and we aren't even going to give you the slightest hint where it starts. You have to be asked to appear by one of the regulars. Just because American Road Cycling sanctions a ride and shows up, that does not mean you are necessarily allowed to attend it. We can be a pretty snooty bunch. Of course, your Doctor's prescription (even if not accepted by your HMO) may be proof enough to ride. Just be advised, if you are fortunate enough to be invited, this is one sweet ride.

Yearly

Fees charged for SAG, food, and service. Usually some worthy cause is used as an excuse to have the ride. Always worth your money.

Farmlands Century	Lincroft, NJ	05/07/05	7:00 am
Early season FLAT Century, plus shorter rides. American Road Cycling will be there in force. Already promised to go are: Nuclear Dan, Slingshot, The Booty, Jim the Assassin, Frank, Brand New Bruce. Hopefully somebody will bring blinders for Dan, so we don't have to pass every single rider silly enough to go out before our fashionably late start. And maybe, just maybe, both Paul Latrine and Mary Endico will be talked out of their whining "too busy for a long ride this leg- numbing early in the season," and they'll show up posing as real riders.
Joe Fix It's Tour de Goshen	Goshen, NY	info coming soon
An American Road Cycling favorite. Held toward the end of August. Details are now being gathered about this years event and will posted soon.

Once in a Lifetime

No fees, no SAG, no food, no service. If you don't make it back, please report that you are missing. Make sure your HRM is up to snuff, so it doesn't burn out.

Dr. Art's Odyssey

All Over Tarnation

you'll know when

at a moment's notice

At some point in your sweet short life, Dr. Art may get so bored that he will call and ask you out for a ride. The ride will include every little horrible hill from your worst cycling nightmare, plus some of the bigger ones—never mind running into Sissy Boy (now Jimmy Nails) somewhere on the other side of Godknowswhere, NJ. The rather mild smaller hills, stepping mostly down on the way out, will become monstrous grinding climbs on the way back.

Furthermore, you will be dropped immediately on leaving your own parking lot, and your HRM will begin smoking early in the ride and flash into flames somewhere near the end.

You will never be asked back for another ride, because your tired old ass will be revealed as not worth the kicking.

So enjoy the ride as best you can. This is not a rule. This is just a warning. It is truly a once in a lifetime opportunity wherein the pain you've been experiencing in your back will be cured without need of adjustment, because every other part of your body will commence and continue hurting much worse.

May Dr. Art and all his anorexic midget friends happen upon Joe Straub on all future rides.

* Sanctioning of Events

American Road Cycling does not itself organize, nor underwrite, nor take any responsibility whatsoever for bicycling events, sanctioned or not. American Road Cycling may deem a worthy ride or race as sanctioned but relies on the officers of those events to handle all liability and organizational details. After all, public roads are open access; and, except in rare cases, events held on them cannot impede your right to travel along them. These rides and races are reported here only as a bicycling community service, and American Road Cycling does not itself assume the slightest liability regarding whatever knuckleheaded stunt you may try to pull off during these events, nor does American Road Cycling warrant you against the natural outcome and paybacks for any of your dull headed actions. In addition, any orthopedic surgeons who may or may not be on any given ride—their own or anybody else's—is to be considered off duty. You still have to schedule an office visit to get your particulars all sewed back in order if they get smashed up in an impromptu Zany Pace-Line Antic. Besides, tire irons make piss poor scalpels.

this page last updated: 02/01/2015 10:38:44 PM