This warning letter, actually a complaint, was
sent to the
Black Widow, probably because Dangerous is afraid to
confront American Road Cycling head on by putting something
in the
CHATTER BOX.
His complaint, actually a letter of warning, most
likely references the recent letter titled:
URGENT PRIVATE LETTER
TO NUCLEAR DAN BUCKLEY, which was recently
published on the American Road Cycling web site, in which
it was off handedly mentioned that
Kevin Haley
would not be attending the
FARMLANDS FLAT TOUR CENTURY,
because "...100 miles is too long a distance and provides far too
many places for SlingShot to hide." No, that statement was
only in a draft version and never published, actually the
complaint must refer to a
statement by SlamCrank on the Chatter Box about how Kevin was not
likely to show up for Palletman's LSD ride, because "distance" was
mentioned. No, that doesn't make sense either, it must have been that thing about
SlingShot hiding from the Heritage Trail cop.
The secondary reference is to a story that
SlingShot himself heard regarding a club legend, what most
people refer to as the truth. Here it is in SlingShot's own
words.
"Well, I first heard it at Twin Lynn's 28th
birthday party. That was seven or so years ago, so my recollection
may be spotty. I calculate the time from the fact that on Lynn's
last birthday she is now 29, which she will probably remain for
quite some years into the future.
In any case, the Ride and Hide incident was the
subject of a conversation held among Twin George, his daughter
Twin Lynn, Doug Allen, Don Stark, Kevin Haley, Jimmy Nails, Mary
Ellen, and Dan Sullivan—the current complainant. At least that is
who I recall as being there.
Paul Latrine
would of course not have been there, because even if he were
invited to such a party, this group would have already placed him
in the corner with the directive that he may not leave the
corner until he could say for certain whether the corner was in
fact the joinery of the two walls, or rather the convergence of
the of the ceiling with the two walls, or maybe even the
aggregation of the floor and two walls into the little spot at his
feet. This task would consume Paul's interest for the remainder of
the evening, so I am quite certain he was not part of this
conversation."
Editor's aside: This particular group of people may
not be known to all the readers of American Road Cycling,
because they are in general quite fast, and most people reading
American Road Cycling are quite slow, proven by the fact they
have time to read the web site. Given that fact, maybe a brief
introduction to this crew is in order.
The group mentioned here, standing around watching
Jimmy Nails fry burgers (no, I did not say "eating boogers" though
that also was likely), well...look. People have said that
SlingShot is funny, but the fact is that any one of the people
mentioned here is, each on their own, far funnier in casual
conversation than SlingShot could ever hope to be, so when
they get together, either on a ride, or some princess's coming of
age birthday party, SlingShot merely stands mute to the
side, gaping, and listening, and pissing his pants.
But back to SlingShot's best recollection of the story about the Ride and
Hide Maneuver, or the best he can recall.
"On a lone Hump some time ago, though it was
recent to this particular party, Twin George and
Kevin Haley
chanced to get far enough ahead of Dr. Art, Humberto, and Paul
Latrine on a longish climb with a suitable bend at the top for them to conceal their ducking behind a tree, moments before
the others came by rushing to catch them.
George and Kevin jumped immediately into the chase
for themselves, but from behind, and they observed the following
sequence several times over.
Dr. Art would pull the group for a few minutes,
then Paul Latrine would pretend to pull for a few seconds, while
Humberto pulled not at all, Humberto being new to this ride and
just resuming some sort of condition long after his lost youth
lording it over the Pro Races with his friend George Hincapie.
This state of affairs with Dr. Art doing all the
pulling, Paul doing his usual, and Humberto being excused as a
newbie, has always given George and Kevin a slight degree of
guilt, because it was Dr. Art, deserving it the least, who
received the most horrid brunt of the castigation when George and
Kevin finally caught them from behind and said, 'You guys are
going to have to go a lot harder if you ever expect to catch Kevin
and George!'..."
In any case, that's the story as SlingShot
recalls it. But it was a long time ago (Lynn was only 28, now 29),
so the details of who was standing at the burger pit may be
remembered by others with certain alterations, but that's the
story prompting this letter of warning complaint from Dangerous
Dan.
Couple things. SlingShot in no way has ever
hoped to steal the "Ride and Hide Maneuver" as alleged, because he
has absolutely no intention whatsoever of ever regaining the ride once
those from whom he is hiding passes. Nor could he. Dangerous should know
this.
The other thing, that Dangerous should also know
full well, is that company policy is to never ever mention
Kevin Haley
. We don't care how many times Kevin shows up on this web site
hoping for word of CaliperGirl's whereabouts.